#31

i am not seeking for a remedy. i am not seeking for love either. i'll give friendship another chance cz if i get another heartbreak, i'll take my leave.

i had enough heartbreaks to last me a lifetime. my plate of commitments is overwelhmeing, i couldn't possibly add more to it. i have an overly demanding partner that keeps me on the edge of my seat, i have a little girl i have to raise, i have my family who are always out of sight but always at heart and my friends who i am around but hardly there.

i would love some freedom, some peace and quiet but i can't afford it. Thus, i always wonder how would life be if things were different, so much different. And what have i ever done in my lifetime to deserve all this tests from Allah SWT.

I guess, i will never know but to just keep my head up and walk the path i've chose because i came this far, it is just no way to turn back anymore. it's been 5 years, coming 6 years.

#30

could things get any worse? yea, it could. it has already started to.

I'm tired. you could blame me for everything i've forgotten, everything that i was supposed to do but didn't and even everything else that wasn't my doing. though it seems unfair to me, maybe it is to you.

Days like this, i wished i have a time machine to go back and make sure something just didn't happen that way. with all my heart, i regret feeling like this and behaving this way.

If there's ever anything i could to do or say, i would but right now, i think crying is the best solution cz i don't wanna make a molehill into a volcano. Ever though it's already messed up, i don't need anymore bullshits.

#29

come over here and talk to me,

i can help if you're feeling blue,

i can comfort and soothe your pain.

who cares if i'm sad too,

i can tell you it will work out,

and that things will be alright.

nevermind the pain i feel, as i fall asleep each night.

if he has hurt your heart, and you think that he's the one,

i can go and talk to him.

 it doesn't matter what i've become,

if there is a problem at home, or if your friends have lied,

its not your problem that my eyes burn,

from all the tears i've cried.

i can give a shoulder to cry on, and provide a caring ear,

for you to pour your soul out.

i'll take away any fear,

but never mind my broken heart, who cares if i want to die,

it doesn't matter what i feel, as long as you don't cry.

From & By : A friend, H.

#28

Love novels, Korean dramas turns me into a hopeless romantic once again (: Once before i ever wish upon a star that maybe someday, there would be a charming man that would be the remedy to my misery. Naive, right ? I am still that same naive little girl but only now, i'm all grown up, i know what's out there in the big world.

It was a mistake to think differently after the countless conclusions i ever got doing the same old, trying to find someone to talk to. It only lead to one thing, that one thing alone.

Slowly, gradually. Things in life, it's picking itself up and arranging for me to see brighter thus better of what to expect. I got a mister waiting for me at home. Nope, he's no remedy to my misery neither is he the cause to my misery anymore. And there's also my little angel, she's who is pampered brat yet she's the one who put a smile on my face.

I'm afraid of what people are gonna say of us, of me. But somehow, i guess i couldn't be that bothered cz i got it all there in that little family.

Even if this is all but a dream, my imagination. Please let it stay this way.