It's getting harder and even worse now.
Nevermind, i can't explain myself. This facade is made not to fool anyone, no one else was suppose to be part of the plan to begin with. it all started in 2010. When my partner was out, knowing girls and meeting them while i'm stuck working my ass off. My purpose of doing do is only to get closer to him and know how he feels about me and everything. He found out about it this year.
I closed the account and i never wanted to contact anyone. but somehow, i got bored as he went out with his friends, clubbing and such while i stayed at home ; through 'Her' i get my momentary happiness, love and be stress-free. I know this sound sick, retarded and i should be cursed for breaking good guys' hearts. i don't deserve any of these i know. There would be times, when i asked myself ; What If?
I really didn't intend to know and make them fall. ironically, most of the time.. they goes for the looks ; tell me who doesn't? Hmpft!
Danial Nor Irfan, i didn't know that he was a family-friend to my cousin and i saw him twice, thrice already. I really didn't mean to hurt such a cute-looking guy ; what more, let everyone in my family of this embarrassing thing that i do.
Afiq Asnawi, I didn't know that it's the afiq i saw at fitness first club. I only realized it's him until he said that his name was afiq and everything just adds up. He's the most adorable guy ever and i know how much he loves 'her'.
Tell me that my feelings ain't genuine for these two guys? Tell me that i didn't fell for them like how they fell for 'her' though it's whole different person but it's still the me deep inside. It's hard for me, i broke their hearts. and i supposed whatever im facing in life now is the punishment for being defiant to my parents and breaks good guys' heart. I can say that i regret every single thing i've chose to be in my life. And the only way is to repent, never repeat. It's tough.
