Hey blog.
How long has it been? I suppose it has
been about a month three days or so. I have loads to write down, loads
more for me to ponder and let my feelings out. It is definitely not
healthy in any ways for me to keep locked in me. But i see no one i can
share this thoughts and feelings with.
They said that it's ramadan. It's a pure
and holy month for us to test our hunger, our faith, our strength and
our tolerance. With all my heart, i wished i was all i was better than i
used to, i was more tolerant that i used to. But as i grew stronger,
the amount of pressure and stress multiple that i would gladly surrender
in defeat.
During this month, i've fasted and
prayed to be a better person but He just had to ruin all the goodness
that i felt. The anger and frustrations that he made me feel and how he
made me feel of myself. The number of times, he made me cried and sobbed
for things he would pick on which didn't really matter on a wide scale.
For all the things he said to me that mentally and emotionally abused
me, there's no form of communication around it. It seems to me that
things has taken a change for the worse when i thought he has changed
but i was wrong.
And
add to that, it has been awhile since i last saw my family and work has
been pretty much a pain. I'm on the verge of tears that leaves me in
such a confused stated. I wish i had someone to cry on, talk to and
laugh with. Even if it is momentarily, at least i have a bubble to keep
me happy when i am not at home. Cause' even when he is around, it'd only
pain me even more to be around his company.
